A blonde and a brunette were talking one day. The brunette said that her boyfriend had a slight dandruff problem but she gave him "Head and Shoulders" and it cleared it up. The blonde asked inquisitively, "How do you give shoulders?" 

Why did the blonde have tire tread marks on her back? 
From crawling across the street when the sign said "DON'T WALK". 

What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde? 
Perri-air. 

What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH? 
A blonde going through a flashing red light. 

What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head 
All you can eat, under a buck. 

Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? 
Because they can't even keep two calves together! 

What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme? 
Humpme Dumpme. 

Why is a blonde like a door knob? 
Because everybody gets a turn. 

Why is a blonde like railroad tracks? 
Because she's been laid all over the country. 

What's a blonde's favourite wine? 
"Daaaddy, I want to go to Miaaami!" 

What do you call a basement full of blondes? 
A wine cellar. 

What do you call 15 blondes in a circle? 
A dope ring. 

What is the difference between butter and a blonde? 
Butter is difficult to spread. 

What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? 
The more you bang it, the looser it gets. 

What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts? 
Change. 

Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home? 
It took her that long to discover that a 14-inch Viking was a television. 

What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by "the fuzz"?
"No. But I've been swung around by the tits." 

What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer? 
Frosted Flakes. 

How does a blonde interpret 6.9? 
A 69 interrupted by a period. 

What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios? 
"Oh look! Donut seeds!" 

What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case? 
Branch Manager. Why are dumb blonde jokes so short? 
Because blondes are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit. 

Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute? 
Because she gave blow-jobs literally. 

Why did they call the blonde "twinkie"? 
She liked to be filled with cream. 

How does a blonde hold her liquor? 
By the ears. 

Why did the blonde try to steal a police car? 
She saw "911" and thought it was a Porsche. 

What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies? 
One's a bunch a cunning runts. 

What's the difference between a blonde and the Suez/Panama Canal? 
One's a busy ditch. 

What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster? 
In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll- doooo." 

Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car? 
Cause she blows the horn! 

Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach? 
So her male would get delivered to the right box. 

What did they name the offspring of a blonde and a Puerto Rican? 
Retardo. 

Why did the blonde wear condoms on her ears? 
So she wouldn't get Hearing Aides. 

Why did the blonde take her typewriter to the doctor? 
She thought it was pregnant because missed a period. 

Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License? 
Because she got an F in sex. 

What do you call two nuns and a blonde? 
Two tight ends and a wide receiver. 

Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went ? 
It finally dawned on her. 

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home. On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms. 

How about the suicide blonde 
She dyed by her own hand. 

Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopedia... 

Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists? 
The rest are hunt'n peckers. 

What do you call a blond mother-in-law? 
An air bag. 

What does the Bermuda Triangle and blondes have in common? 
They've both swallowed a lot of semen. 

How do you plant dope? 
Bury a blonde. 

What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and a skinny blonde? 
One's a phony buck. 

What's the difference between a chorus line of blondes and a magician? 
A magician has a cunning array of stunts. 

What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
One that never misses a period. 

Why was the blonde wearing her sunglasses? 
She was having sunny periods. 

What do a blonde and President Gorbachev have in common? 
They both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday. 
What's the difference between a blonde and President Gorbachev? 
He knows who the ten men were. 

Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet? 
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills. 

Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds? 
Because at 69 they blow a rod... 

How would a blond punctuate the following? 
"Fun fun fun worry worry worry" 
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry! 

Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car? 
She burned her lips on the tailpipe. 

What do you call a blonde wearing a leather jacket on a motorcycle? 
Rebel without a clue. 

What does "Bones" McCoy say before he performs brainsurgery on a blonde? 
"Space. The final frontier......" 

How did the blonde break her leg playing hockey with the Toronto Maple Leafs? 
She fell out of the tree. 

How is a blonde like a postage stamp?
You lick'm, stick'em, and send'em on their way. 

What did Santa Claus say when he met 3 prostitutes and a blonde? 
Ho, Ho, Ho, and a to all a good night! 

Did you hear what the blonde who was opening a new bar said when her lawyer explained to her that she needed a liquor license? 
"Oh, it's not gonna be THAT kind of a bar. That's disgusting!" 

What do you call a bunch of blondes with yeast infections?
A wine and cheese party! 

What's the difference between a lesbian finger-fucking a blonde and a Schwinn at the side of the road?
One's a bike in a ditch, and the other's . . . . 

What happened to the blonde tap dancer?
She slipped off and fell down the drain. 

Did you hear about the blonde who dropped out of nursing school? 
She was doing great until she found out she would have to perform the Hymenlick Manuever. 

What's the fastest way to get a blonde pregnant?
Take her to the petting zoo. 

How do you get a blonde to climb on the roof?
Tell her that the drinks are on the house 

What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp? 
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort. 

What do you call it when a blonde gets taken over by a demon? 
A vacant posession. 

What does a car fatality and a blonde have in common?
Put either in a car and their fucked. 

Why did the blonde stare at the frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
Because it said 'concentrate'.